The funeral
Nora
Which flavour will I choose now? I'm thinking a vanilla latte would be nice. The coffee from the machine in this hospital has already made me sick, but there is nothing I can do. There are a few coffee shops nearby, but I can't leave Edward alone. So machine coffee it will be.
I picked a flavour and waited for the machine to complete the process. I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. We are so excited that soon we will be able to go home. I already miss my bed and having breakfast with Edward. Despite everything, I cannot waver. And luckily for me, I have friends who have been there for me day and night. I call that solidarity.
Today is the team's visiting day, and I am preparing to receive them. The good thing is that Hilda is already with me. She is looking after Edward right now, which allows me to come here and get coffee. I will bring Hilda a coffee too, even if she hasn't asked for one. I know she doesn't like coffee very much, but hospitals always make people eat anything.
My coffee was ready, and I gave it a few sips, as I programmed Hilda's. I was about to select the flavour when, behind me, I heard screams. I turned to see what was going on, but when I saw Hilda's face, I froze.
The cup of coffee in my hand began to shake, as my heartbeat increased so rapidly that my brain began to cloud. Hilda's face said it all, something wrong happened with Edward. I knew it without her saying anything to me yet.
Hilda approached me crying, without being able to speak. Fear had completely taken over my body.
She was standing in front of me, then she took my arm and said, “Edward.”
My body reacted on instinct, I threw the cup of coffee on the floor and ran out of the place. I made my way, as fast as I could, to Edward's room. When I got there, nurses and doctors were practicing CPR. I saw them from a distance as they were applying the resuscitator. Then, I saw how his body jumped when receiving the electric shocks. Everything was in slow motion, and I was in the middle of everything. Paralyzed, terrified to step forward.
After several attempts with the resuscitator, the monitor that read Edward's vitals was blank. The doctor shook his head and the nurse removed the equipment from his body. When he turned around, he saw me standing in the middle of the hall. He's the one who saved his life, and the one who has taken care of him all these months. We knew each other very well, and that helpless expression told me what had happened.
But my brain couldn't believe it, my Edward couldn't have left me. He was only awake for one day. I heard his voice clearly, he touched me, and he cried with me. We sleep together, in the same hospital bed. All of that could not have been an illusion of my brain. This had to be a nightmare, and it wasn't real.
The doctor walked towards me with his shoulders hunched and with small steps. I couldn't take my eyes off him, needing him to tell me that Edward was fine and that I was imagining things. But he only grabbed my shoulders and shook his head.
“Sorry, Nora, Edward is gone. Occasionally, those things happen after the coma, it just hits unexpectedly.”
I finally took my eyes off him and directed them to where Edward was. The nurse was covering his body with the hospital bedsheet, and my brain went into chaos.
I pushed the doctor away from me and ran to where the nurse was, “NO,” I pushed her so hard that she fell to the ground. I removed the bedsheet from Edward's body and began to shake him.
“NO, NO, NO, WAKE UP, EDWARDDD! Wake up, no, no, no, please wake up, love, wake up.”
But no matter how much I shook him, his eyes remained closed, nor did his mouth open to say something to me. Nothing. His body was unresponsive, and I wasn't sure what was happening. I couldn't think, but the only thought on my mind was to wake him up.
“Edward, wake up, wake up, open your eyes, I need your eyes open. Edward, wake up.”
I was there, insisting until I felt my body being removed from Edward’s body. I didn't know how or when, but someone was taking me away from him, and I couldn't allow it. So, I fought to be released, kicked, and screamed from the bottom of my lungs. But I was unable to get rid of them. So helplessly, I watched as his body was covered again with the bedsheet. That made me scream with new strength until my vision started to darken and my head spun.
My legs began to lose strength, and I felt my body collapse. Thereafter, the darkness completely blinded me.
∞∞∞
I opened my eyes with difficulty. Something heavy was keeping them closed. It was as if my mind didn't want to open them. But deep down, I knew there was something to open them for. The life that I knew was over, along with my illusions and my hope. My love was gone, leaving me alone once more.
If Edward couldn't be in this life, I would rather not live in it, either. Nothing I did was enough, my promises to him were ruthlessly crushed, and I was left with nothing.
Then I hear voices around me from time to time, but my brain didn't want to know anything. I wanted to stay like this, without seeing or hearing. Nothing was worth it, nothing.
My life was over, but indeed there was one thing left for me to do, and only I had the obligation and the right to do it. I had to see that Edward's body rested in peace forever, before following him.
Now with a purpose, I open my eyes. The room was bright, and I knew immediately that I was in the hospital. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, then turned my gaze to the side, where I heard noises.
Patty and Hilda were quietly sitting next to my bed. They hadn't realized that I had already woken up, until I moved my hand, getting their attention. Patty was the first to see me, and she got up quickly. She took me by the hand and, with a bleak expression and almost whispering, she said, “How do you feel?” I nodded, letting her know that I was fine.
Afterwards, Hilda came to my side and put her hand on my shoulder. I was sure that she wanted to transmit her strength to me, but nothing right now could warm my heart. I was dead, frozen, and submerged in a sea of despair and defeat.
Without moving, and without seeing them in the eye, I asked, “Where is he?”
Silence greeted me, and after a few seconds, Hilda answered me, “He's in the hospital morgue. You have been unconscious for a full day. We were waiting for you to wake up to plan what to do with Edward's body. His mom has already been notified, and she's on her way. I don't think it will take long for her to arrive. But it's good that you woke up. We were worried.”
Nothing they told me made me feel anything because I was empty, my soul was dead, occupying a living body. I already knew what I had to do, and I was calm because I knew that soon I would be reunited with my love. If in this life we could not be together, then in death we will be.
I remember very well the moment when I told him that I would follow him to the end of the world and to the stars, back and forth. And so, I will. I will follow him since my destiny is to be by his side.
I nodded, and after being silent for a while, Patty spoke, “Nora, this thing that happened hurts us all a lot. The doctors don't know exactly the cause of his death. All they know is that his heart suddenly stopped. There is no explanation for this, it just happened, but one thing I am sure of, Edward wouldn't have wanted to see you like this. He loved you too much, and your happiness was his priority. He always told me that, so for him, try to get out of that state you are in, Nora. I have seen these signs many times, and I am worried about you. You can't give up. You have a baby in your womb that needs his mother.”
Ah! Yes, my baby, I did not remember that a baby was forming in my womb. Edward's baby and mine. A baby who will not have a father, a baby who will be born and raised in a hopeless home.
I closed my eyes, thinking all this, and instinctively brought my hand to my belly. I could feel the heat that my skin radiated. My baby was already enormous, I could feel his movements all the time. But today, he was quiet, so I asked them.
“Is my baby fine?”
Hilda smiled at me and nodded, then said, “Your baby is fine, he is stressed since you are stressed. But with a little more rest and good food, you two will be fine.”
I would rather not hear anything else, it was all useless. My heart was dead, my rock was no longer with me to hold and guide me. I was lost and adrift, without direction and without goals to follow. Everything went along with Edward.
I closed my eyes, letting them understand that this conversation was over.
Hours later, Ruth entered my room in silence. I was awake, and I followed her with my gaze as she approached my bed. Ruth was devastated, it was visible. The love of a true mother for her child must be incomparable. I can only imagine what she's going through.
But my mind was not right at the moment. Nothing mattered to me, not even the baby I carried within me. I couldn't find my way out of this darkness my mind was in.
“He's in the morgue, have you visited him?” My voice was flat and emotionless.
Tears began to flow from her eyes while she nodded, leaning toward me. She hugged me, putting her face on my neck. We both stayed like this for a while, until she raised her head and directed her gaze to my belly. She smiled weakly and put her hand on top of my baby. A sob escaped her mouth and then another until she was openly crying, holding my belly with both hands.
She finally managed to calm down and said, “My son gave you an important gift. I'm sure you will treasure it, guide and care for it, just as Edward would have. He didn't have that beautiful opportunity like you.” The intensity with which she said this was entering into my head. Each one of her words, they were crossing that abyss in which I was, reaching me.
I looked her straight in the eyes and saw how strong this woman was. And despite having lost her son, she was here, trying to help me out of the darkness.
“R-Ruth, Edward left.” That simple statement broke the barrier that I had put up not to feel. And a torrent of tears wrapped in pain began to flow. Ruth nodded, then said, “Yes he did. My son left, leaving you, me, and his baby here to figure everything out. You, me, and the baby are still a family, do you know?”
“We are a family,” I said without thinking.
“And families help each other, right?” she said as I nodded.
“Edward is no longer with us, but he left us something wonderful. He made us a family. We are a family, and I need you now, Nora. My grandson needs you, and in the same way, we are here for you.”
I felt like I was drowning, “Ruth, it hurts so much, help, me.”
“Oh! My girl,” Ruth took me in her arms, and I hugged her, not wanting to let her go.
“Cry, Nora, cry, cry until there are no more tears. I am here, and I am going to take care of you and my grandson until you are strong enough, and you can stand on your feet. We will go forward, and I swear to you, Nora, that one day, we will smile again.”
∞∞∞
That day, I cried and cried, until my body was weak and without strength. The next day, Ruth fed me and kept me company the whole time. She did not leave me alone for a moment, always aware of me, since my emotions were damaged because at any moment I could do something crazy. But she was here, and I love her more for that.
Thanks to Ruth, I was able to get out of bed and have a shower. The day ended the same way, the pain kept suffocating me, but something in me was trying to cope.
The more I saw Ruth next to me and felt my baby moving inside, I knew that my heart was changing direction. My thoughts weren't about following Edward any more, no. Ruth illuminated my darkness, making me realize that this little boy was the last thing left of Edward and that I had to take care of him with all my might. She was right, Edward would live forever in him.
∞∞∞
The next day, early in the morning, I was dressed and ready, waiting for Ruth to come and pick me up. On this day, we will take Edward's body to the funeral home for the farewell mass. I told Ruth that I would closely follow Edward's body until he reaches his final resting place. That I would not leave him alone.
The door opened, and Ruth poked her head in. Smiling at me, she said, “Ready?”
I nodded, as she came into the room and took my suitcase off the bed, which was ready. We left the room together and went to the morgue.
The funeral service was already waiting for us there, and with apprehension, we saw how they transported the body of my beloved and put it into an SUV.
Ruth pointed to a black car that was parked in front of the exit, waiting for us. We boarded, and we followed closely. The funeral home was half an hour away, so the trip was quick.
Meanwhile, I was trying to convince myself to be calm. I turned to Ruth, and she encouraged me to be strong, offering me a brave smile.
Once we arrived, Edward's body was admitted, and it took them two hours to prepare him for the funeral. Everything had to be perfect for the last goodbye.
Our friends were arriving, and we all gathered in the room that was assigned to us. Waiting for Edward's arrival.
Half an hour later, four men had been carrying Edward's coffin. They walked to the centre of the room and put it on a pedestal.
One of them opened the lid of the coffin, exposing Edward's still-beautiful face to all of us. My heart was trembling, my hands were sweating, and the wound in my heart was reopening. Ruth took me by the hand, and I noticed that she was shaking too. So, I held her tight and decided that I would also offer her the same support that she was giving me. After all, it was her only son who was in the coffin. Her pain must be big.
One by one, my friends from the rescue centre approached us. They offered their condolences and anything I needed without hesitating to ask. Because we knew that they too were suffering, we thank them from the bottom of our hearts.
Edward was a mainstay of the community and everyone turned to him for help. I was no different.
Three days passed in the wake, and I did not even consider leaving. Ruth was kind enough to bring me food, and there was a bathroom in the room. During the last few moments I had with him, I was able to make the most of the time because tomorrow, we will take him to his last resting place.
